I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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