I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
