This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
