Cold hands, warm shart.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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