if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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