You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
