before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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