You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
