grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
