yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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