Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
