I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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