You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
