You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
