'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
