We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
