Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
