I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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