i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
