can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
