if i can run in heels then i can drive
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
