I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
