1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
