We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
