I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
