so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
