I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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