I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
