Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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