I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
