BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
