I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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