Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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