So drunk its hurt
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
