Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
