If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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