my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
