Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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