I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
