All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
