Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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