nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize