I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just gargled with NyQuil
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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