so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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