In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
