Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
