I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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