that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
