drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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