Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
