This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
