just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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