It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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