When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
