And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
