there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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