Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
