it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
