I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
