So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
