Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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