sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize