i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
