I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
